Dear Mother Nature,
You seem a bit stressed. Might I interest you in a glass of wine? Come, sit down, put your feet up and chill RELAX.
There, isn’t that better?
Listen, I think it’s time for some Girl Talk. Specifically, re: that special time in a woman’s life that they call The Change. I think in your case they use the word “climate,” but we all know what’s really going on.
The thing is, there are drugs pharmaceuticals for that now. And natural herbs and supplements. (Have you tried progesterone cream?) And when those fail, there’s always booze and chocolate. Would you like a truffle? They have them soy free now.
Listen, far be it from me to criticize how you handle things. Ok, not that far. But still. This polar vortex thing has people talking about you, and saying not very nice things. Truth is, it’s a little much. Especially in New England, even if they do have a tendency to inflate exaggerate things.
In short, I think you should tone it down a little. And by a little I mean a lot, and by down I really mean up–as in making the temperatures go up. By about 30-80 degrees or so.
I promise, if you do, I won’t complain for a few months weeks. Okay maybe just days, but still, silence is golden and a little gold goes along way. Or maybe that’s glue…
Forgive me, my brain is a bit frozen. Along with everything else in this freezing* place.
While we’re considering letting it go… might I interest you in cocktail? Perhaps a Blue Hawaiian?
Speaking of which, I really like what you did with Hawaii. Great décor and ambience. Hint: the other 49 states are feeling a little left out and would not think it amiss if you spread the wealth a little. Or a lot.
*I might use an alliterative word with freezing if this were not a family friendly blog.